The Funny Finish Line: Where Horse Racing and Laughter Meet Daily (04/05/23)

Welcome to “The Funny Finish Line: Where Horse Racing and Laughter Meet Daily.” Today, we have some hot picks from three different tracks that are sure to make you chuckle.

First up is the Mahoning Valley, located in Ohio and opened in 1959. Did you know that the track record for a mile on the dirt is held by Northbound Train with a time of 1:34.03? Now, onto our picks for Race #2:

• WIN: Express Fashion (6-5) – This horse has a 47% chance of winning, which is almost as good as my chances of getting a date on Valentine’s Day.
• PLACE: Reys Pina Colada (6-1) – With a 45% chance of placing, this horse is a real pina colada in a world of plain old beers.
• SHOW: Beautiful Lass (4-1) – This horse has a 40% chance of showing, which is better odds than me getting through a day without spilling something on myself.
• JOKER: Late Date (6-1) – With a 37% chance of winning, this horse might be fashionably late to the finish line.

Next up is Parx Racing, located in Pennsylvania and opened in 1974. Did you know that the track record for 1 1/16 miles on the dirt is held by Princess of Sylmar with a time of 1:41.65? Now, onto our picks for Race #3:

• WIN: Under the Radar (8-5) – This horse has a 48% chance of winning, but with a name like that, maybe we shouldn’t be betting on it.
• PLACE: Kodapendent (9-2) – With a 49% chance of placing, this horse is just a small step away from being co-dependent on its jockey.
• SHOW: Itwasthedevilsidea (5-1) – This horse has a 34% chance of showing, but maybe it’s time for a name change to something a little more optimistic.
• JOKER: Large (15-1) – With a 32% chance of winning, this horse might be compensating for something.

Last but not least is Tampa Bay Downs, located in Florida and opened in 1926. Did you know that the track record for 1 1/16 miles on the turf is held by Spinning Round with a time of 1:39.48? Now, onto our picks for Race #9:

• WIN: Takeover Kash (2-1) – This horse has a 49% chance of winning, which is almost as good as my chances of sticking to my New Year’s resolutions.
• PLACE: Stirling’s Gold (3-1) – With a 39% chance of placing, this horse is worth its weight in gold.
• SHOW: Magna Ruler (4-1) – This horse has a 31% chance of showing, which is about as good as my chances of winning a game of poker.
• JOKER: Red Jet (30-1) – With a 31% chance of winning, this horse might be able to fly to the finish line.

For beginners looking to try horse racing betting systems, we recommend the Double Dutch method. This involves betting on one horse to both win and place in the race. If the chosen horse finishes second, bettors have a chance to get their money back, depending on the odds.

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